Managing Our Emotions During the Holidays Can Tame our Inner Grinch

It’s holiday time – full of music, lights, food, family and friends! The holidays present a whole host of opportunities… and challenges. It’s a time full of opportunities to engage, connect, and share with family members and friends, or perhaps just to enjoy being with oneself, which can provide us with feelings of excitement, happiness, fulfillment, gratitude and joy. There also can be challenges experienced in connecting, engaging and sharing with others that can involve having to be exposed to dealing with old tapes from challenging past times, differences of ideas, thoughts, values and beliefs - creating tension, stress, or anxiety that can often result in disappointment, dissatisfaction or despair, leaving us feeling alone.

For some families, tension around the holidays is under the surface quiet — all clenched teeth and subtle jabs, as if you’re navigating a mine field in the dark. For others, it is big, loud and chaotic. Most of us have learned from our own histories how to deal with big emotions in the heat of the moment by either shutting down, walking away, or that pop-the-top exploding or that rumbling tense feeling as if we’re going to explode when popping our tops comes more quickly than popping that bottle of champagne. So, how do we deal with the inevitable drama driving big emotions and setting off our triggers when confronted by our tested family dynamics?

How we deal with and manage these tried by true emotions will result in whether we’re left experiencing a sense of contentment, feelings of satisfaction and happiness, or a sense of discontent, left with feelings of dissatisfaction or unhappiness. And although each is filled with big emotions – either positive or negative - how we manage these emotions is the key to whether we have a holiday filled with peace.

What can we do to be prepared and help tame our inner Grinch?

1. Tune into and listen to your body for changes, such as increased heart rate, to allow you to become aware of your emotional triggers before they bubble over. You can do some deep breathing, stretching, yoga, or just take some space for yourself.
2. Be aware of your emotions and bodily sensations by focusing on what you’re feeling at the present moment and engaging in mindfulness by connecting your breath and finding ways to put yourself first.
3. Engage in self-reflection by examining your own thoughts, feelings and actions. Ask yourself ‘what made me feel this way?” “What could I have done differently?” “How could I have made the situation more positive and do it better next time?” Whether you choose to write it down or say it out loud helps you to become better aware of what the cause is behind the emotion. When we self-reflect, we can think more clearly to solve problems, focus, address challenges and utilize the skills to make a plan and handle things more effectively next time.
4. Don’t forget to prioritize yourself and your own needs by making time and space to do what brings you calm and allows for self-care and self-love during these hectic times. Whether it be listening to music, a walk, or just being with a friend, this time for you is just about and for you.

By recognizing what’s going on for you, making room for you, and implementing some of these strategies to help calm your nerves and decrease your stress, you will not only help yourself to model, guide and teach these same skills to your kids and or partner, but also you will help pave the way to a more joyful, less contentious and more peaceful holiday resulting in that hoped for and longed for feeling of contentment. Remember, our children are emotional detectives, constantly watching and absorbing the emotions and emotional responses of those around them. By taking better care of managing your emotions, you will make the holiday season even better for the little ones in your life!

Happy Holidays from your family at Housman Institute! 🎊