A recent New York Times article1 began with emphasizing how important it is to give children the opportunity to take initiative, problem-solve and build resilience by pointing out how underprepared young adults are for succeeding in life given:
“Many recent (high school) graduates aren’t able to set targets, take initiative, figure things out and deal with setbacks — because in school and at home they were too rarely afforded any agency.”
The article continued to show that a few minor – yet significant – changes, such as inviting children to engage and participate rather than just being recipients of dictated lessons, can have significant positive impacts. By giving children a sense of respect and ownership, children were more engaged in lessons and felt a sense of agency.
Just as many of us don’t enjoy being told what to do, having our own thoughts and opinions disregarded and dictating to children what to do shuts them down.
We cannot routinely tell children what to do in classrooms and expect the result to be creative, engaged, self-driven individuals; rather, that top-down directive approach accomplishes the exact opposite.
Children need–and deserve–to be heard, involved, valued and encouraged to explore their interests and develop their own ideas. This approach is exactly why at Housman Institute, we provide emotional intelligence learning solutions that validate children’s emotions and feelings, explore them with open-ended questions, and engage the children to participate in reflective thinking and problem-solving. This process builds a sense of agency within the children and places them on the path to gaining confidence, resiliency, and a sense of competence.
So next time we’re tempted, perhaps even for the sake of time, to tell children what to do, or at times cut them out of the process of learning with top-down, one-way lessons, let’s pause and consider how we can engage them as active participants, so they are excited about learning and learn how to take responsibility and develop self-control through feeling seen, heard, and understood. The experience of being known and valued sets the stage for building a strong and positive sense of self, confidence in one’s abilities, and agency in developing their own ideas, making decisions, resolving conflicts, and solving problems - fostering a sense of responsibility and accountability that puts them on a path of success in learning, in life, and in living.
Let’s promote the gift of agency for our kids so they can develop their ideas, pursue their interests, and learn strategies on how to navigate life’s ups and downs on the way to achieving their goals and dreams. Let’s provide them with the wings to take flight and soar!
References:
1. https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/02/opinion/children-choices-goal-setting.html
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